Post for your chance to win a free download of His Darling Nurse - I want to hear funny medical stories, jokes etc! I'll give out special prizes for really good/funny ones!
Doctors have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.
When the hospital Board of Directors asked a panel of doctors to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body," while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; the plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And in the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some bum.
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken finger."
A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?" After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a carnation!"
6 comments:
Doctors have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.
When the hospital Board of Directors asked a panel of doctors to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised no rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians stated they were all labouring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body," while the Pediatricians said, "Grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the Radiologists could see right through it.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow; the plastic surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
And in the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some bum.
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
ROFL - love those jokes, Janet! Great stuff.
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken finger."
And one last one :)
A bigshot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor replies, "Yes, but never with a carnation!"
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