You all know I have this number problem? sigh. Now I knew I had money in my account to pay my bill at M&S. This is the one thing I do on line as they don't have a freakishly scary number thing. Could I do it? No. It kept telling me to contact my card issuer. Odd, I have a debit card but as it's signature only I can't use for anything other than paying my M&S bill - which I do every month as I like to get the points (they make prizes lol)So I ring the bank - hurdle one - read or punch in the long number on the front of the card. Hurdle two, punch in the six digit sort code, hurdle three punch in the code on the back of the card. I have dyscalculia - this is the stuff of nightmares. I'm already convinced that the whole reason I can't use my card is because I've messed up the numbers. Then I have to wait - they are very busy dontcha know. Five minutes and I get a nice lady with a scottish accent. Can I give her the number of the front of my card? argh oh, and the sort code? double argh and my date of birth - whimper.
Nice lady tells me there's a security stop on my card - wtf??? She'll put me through to that dept but they are very busy dontcha know so I could call back. Since there is no way I could cope with all those numbers again and I'm by now imaging someone hacking into my overdraft and running wild buying whatever people that run wild in other peoples accounts could buy for £50 I say I'll wait.
There's no music on this line says the nice lady as if she's worried I'll be disappointed by the abscence of an electronic version of moneys too tight to mention being sung by trappist monks with a nasal condition. I assure her thats okay and settle in to wait.
Five minutes and I finally get a breezy sounding man who appears to be trying to talk to me from the top of a high mountain in a gale. He asks for the long number on the front of my card which of course I mess up so have to give it him at least three more times along with my date of birth which I'm struggling to remember now because I'm stressed and my sort code. I offer him my mothers maiden name as a sort of buy one get one free thing to convince him it's me but he wasn't amused.
What's the problem? he asks once I finally manage to persuade him that I am the holder of a signature only card.
I tell him about trying to pay my bill.
And it's definitely you? he asks. I resist the urge to tell him I have impulses to pay other peoples M&S bills with money I don't have on fraudulently obtained cards.
Yes, it's me, paying my bill with my card - I say.
Oh, okay. You can pay it now. He says.
What? Just like that? I don't have to wait a day or swear out an oath in blood?
No, it's done.
Grrrr, banks, they're very busy don'tcha know.